Monday, May 27, 2013

Blog Blog Pag May Time

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Thenanbbf thnsbgth#$@^&*@b&#@$2626 Jahgdbtnryh  nghjt  ndkknf  jfhtnrg ahtge ngkthi ndghtheueyhf nhfkdyrtgs. Thenanbbf thnsbgth#$@^&*@b&#@$2626 Jahgdbtnryh  nghjt  ndkknf  jfhtnrg ahtge ngkthi ndghtheueyhf nhfkdyrtgs. vvThenanbbf thnsbgth#$@^&*@b&#@$2626 Jahgdbtnryh  nghjt  ndkknf  jfhtnrg ahtge ngkthi ndghtheueyhf nhfkdyrtgs. Thenanbbf thnsbgth#$@^&*@b&#@$2626 Jahgdbtnryh  nghjt  ndkknf  jfhtnrg ahtge ngkthi ndghtheueyhf nhfkdyrtgs. Thenanbbf thnsbgth#$@^&*@b&#@$2626 Jahgdbtnryh  nghjt  ndkknf  jfhtnrg ahtge ngkthi ndghtheueyhf nhfkdyrtgs. 

Ayos ba!?

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Earworm 72 (Holy Grail)

"Holy Grail" (feat. Justin Timberlake)
[Verse 1: Justin Timberlake]
You take the clothes off my back
And I let you
You'd steal the food right out my mouth
And I'd watch you eat it
I still don't know why
Why I love you so much
(Thanks for warning me [2x])
You curse my name
In spite to put me to shame
Have my laundry in the streets
Dirty or clean
Give it up for fame
But I still don't know why
Why I love it so much
(Thanks for warning me [2x])

And baby
It's amazing I'm in this maze with you
I just can't crack your code
One day you screaming you love me loud
The next day you're so cold
One day you're here, one day you're there, one day you care
You're so unfair sipping from your cup
Till it runneth over, Holy Grail

[Verse 2: Jay-Z]
Blue told me to remind you niggas
Fuck that shit y’all talkin' about
I'm the nigga, caught up in all these lights and cameras
But look what that shit did to Hammer
God damn it I like it
Bright lights is enticing
But look what it did to Tyson
All that money in one night
30 mill for one fight
But soon as all that money blows, all the pigeons take flight
Fuck the fame, keep cheating on me
What I do, I took her back, fool me twice
That's my bad, I can't even blame her for that
Enough to make me wanna murder
Momma please just get my bail
I know nobody to blame
Kurt Cobain, I did it to myself

[Bridge: Justin Timberlake]
And we all just entertainers
And we're stupid, and contagious
Now we all just entertainers

[Hook: Justin Timberlake]
[Verse 3: Jay-Z]
Now I got tattoos on my body
Psycho bitches in my lobby
I got haters in the paper
Photo shoots with paparazzi
Can't even take my daughter for a walk
See 'em by the corner store
I feel like I'm cornered off
Enough is enough
I'm calling this off
Who the fuck I'm kidding though?
I'm getting high
Sitting low
Sliding by
In that big body
Curtains all in my window
This fame hurt
But this chain works
I think back
You asked the same person
If this is all you had to deal with
Nigga deal with
It, this shit ain't work
This light work
Camera snapping, my eyes hurt
Niggas dying back where I was birthed
Fuck your iris and the IRS
Get the hell up off of your high horse
You got the shit that niggas die for
Dry yours
Why you mad
Take the good with the bad
Don't throw that baby out with that bath water
You're still alive
Still that nigga
Nigga you survived
You still getting bigger nigga
Living the life
Vanilla wafers
In a villa
Illest nigga alive
Michael Jackson's, Thriller

[Hook: Justin Timberlake]
You get the air out my lungs whenever you need it
And you take the blade right out my heart just so you can watch me bleed
And I still don’t know why
Why I love you so much
(Thanks for warning me )
(Thanks for warning me)
And you play this game in spite to drive me insane
I got it tattooed on my sleeve forever in ink with guess whose name
But I still don't know why
Why I love it so much, yeah.
(Thanks for warning me [2x])

Don't know why...

Monday, May 20, 2013

Big Brother 11 (Episode 15)

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The Power of Veto Creates Friction: In the wake of Chima’s nominations for eviction, Lydia believes that the real target for the week is not her, but Russell, even though she knows that Russell could "lay on the schmoozing” this week in an effort to save himself. Russell is dealing with the fact that his supposed friends in the House just got him nominated, so he is sure his alliance with Chima, Natalie and Jessie is done. This proves to be an accurate assessment by Russell.

In the wake of the nomination ceremony, Natalie and Jessie congratulate Chima in the Red Room on giving such a brief and classy speech, and express their happiness regarding the nominations. Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Russell tells Lydia that she will be there another week. Russell notes that he didn’t even consider putting Jessie, Natalie or Chima on the block last week when he was HoH. "Talk about backstabbing,” he says. 

The Mystery Power Gets to JessieWhile Jessie and Natalie are playing chess up in the loft, Jeff gets called to Diary Room. Jessie whispers to Natalie that he thinks Jeff is the Mystery Power holder for the week. Natalie tells him that she doesn’t think that Jeff would save anybody if he did, in fact, have the power. Natalie and Jessie then go into the HoH Suite and continue the conversation with Chima. The women tell Jessie that he is overreacting, while Jessie says that he desperately wants to play for the Power of Veto this week. He knows that the Mystery Power holder can change up the nominations, and the only way to ensure his safety is to win the Veto. Chima announces that, if she gets to pick a player for Veto, she will choose Natalie. Natalie boasts that she would be a better player than Jessie anyway. Jessie is not happy!

Now that he is target Numero Uno for the week, Russell decides that he needs to mend some fences in the House, and starts with Michele. "What do you want to ask me, Russell,” Michele asks, as they play an awkward game of pool. Russell says that he didn’t agree with what Ronnie said to her when he was evicted, and then brings up the deal that Russell thought he had with Michele. Russell reminds Michele that, when he was the HoH, she told him that Chima was trying to get him out of the house. Michele says that she actually said that Chima MAY do that, but a flashback confirms Russell’s claim.  

Michele says that they are arguing over semantics as Russell keeps bringing it up and calling her a liar. Michele has finally had enough and storms off. So much for mending fences! 

Michele goes up to Chima and Natalie in the HoH Suite and says that Russell is being a jackass. Chima is hardly surprised, and says Russell always picks a fight. Michele cries a little over how Russell called her a liar, which prompts Chima to reiterate her desire to toss all the men out of the House so there is an all-woman final five. Even Natalie is on board in terms of booting Jessie. The guys better watch out!

Michele leaves the HoH Suite and is confronted by Russell, who tells her she is a nutcase. More fence mending! He then tells her that Ronnie was right to have called her out the way he did on the last eviction show. Michele tells Russell that he needs to respect women as she walks off. This only hardens Chima’s belief that Russell needs to go. "Russell is an expletive,” she says. "Fill in the blank, America!”

One SpEGGtacular Veto CompetitionChima calls everyone into the Living Room to pick players for the Veto Ceremony. Chima picks Natalie’s chip, which annoys Jessie. Russell gets House Guest’s choice, and effectively ends his relationship with Jessie when he chooses Jeff to play. Lydia also gets House Guest’s choice and chooses her bestie, Kevin.

After the players change into chicken costumes, everyone goes outside to find the backyard turned into a huge chicken coop. Jeff is not sure what to think, but sees a lot of chicken wire, individual "bacon” bridges, and tons of eggs! Veto Host, Michele, explains that the six chickens have been separated from their precious eggs and that their job is to rescue the eggs from the coop. The chickens have to weave their fingers through the chicken wire and move their easily broken eggs to the other side of the bacon bridge. The first chicken to get a dozen eggs from the coop to their egg stands will win the PoV.

Maneuvering the eggs through the wire and out of the coop is laborious and time consuming, which frustrates the impatient Jeff. Kevin tries to stay focused as Russell confirms that this win is crucial for him. As the players weave their eggs up through the chicken wire, Lydia realizes that she, Russell and Kevin are in a three-way race for first place. The player definitely out of the running is Natalie, who is embarrassed by moving only two eggs. Kevin takes the lead when he moves through 11 eggs. Russell notices Kevin’s speed, and starts shouting in an attempt to throw Kevin off of his game. "Don’t let it fall, buddy,” Russell taunts. The needling takes its toll on Kevin, who admits to changing up his rhythm and slowing down a bit. This allows Russell to catch up to Kevin. "O.M.G., I never shook so much in my life,” Kevin admits.  In the nail biting conclusion, Kevin moves through his final egg. He wins the Veto!

"It is so about time that Kevin won something in BIG BROTHER,” Kevin says of himself, before realizing that he has a big decision on his hands. Saving Lydia from the chopping block is a no-brainer emotionally, but game-wise he has to think about it. Russell is not happy about losing. "I need to come up with a new plan,” Russell says. "It’s me against the world, baby.”  

Friendship vs. The GameAfter his win, Kevin does a happy dance with Lydia in the bathroom. Lydia assumes that Kevin plans to use the Veto on her, but Kevin breaks the news that it may not be in their best interest to use the Veto because it will piss Chima off. An unhappy Lydia wants to know what Kevin would think if the tables were turned. Later, in the diary room, Kevin says that he has come a long way without creating enemies, but he is also under pressure to take a friend off of the block. What does he do?

In the storage room, Russell decides to target Jessie in his last stab to stay for the week. He warns Jessie that the women are uniting, while Jeff is targeting him—Russell is his only hope! Jessie is less worried about Russell going home and more worried about being targeted with the Mystery Power. Jessie wastes no time in sharing this revelation with Jeff. Jessie points out that Russell is throwing Jeff under the bus, and that Jeff would be wise not to trust him. Jessie also tells Jordan the same thing and warns her that Russell lies. Out in the hammock, Jeff and Jordan agree that the suddenly friendly Jessie is freaking out. 

Another Chima/Russell Blow UpRussell is done being nice to Chima, and it shows. When Chima chides Russell to get moving out of the shower, a fight ensues in the kitchen. When Chima calls Russell a "terrorist,” Russell yells at Chima for using a racist comment, while Chima argues that she is calling him a terrorist specifically for terrorizing everyone in the house (a flashback serves as a reminder that Russell spent some time taunting the recently evicted Ronnie when he was the House pariah). Natalie tells Russell that Chima didn’t mean it that way. Russell and Chima then trade a series of insults as they goad one another. "You’re going home,” Chima yells, adding that Russell can’t handle being evicted by a woman. 

The Luxury RewardEmotions ebb and flow in the House and soon, Chima, Russell, Jordan, Jessie and Natalie retire to the HoH Suite to see their screening of the Paramount Pictures’ feature film The Goods starring Jeremy Piven. Russell and Chima start bickering but Natalie, Jessie and Jordan all ask them to quiet down so that they can enjoy the movie. Everyone calms down and gets into the comedy. Outside in the yard, the Have Nots mope, but Jeff points out that at least they can work on their tans. "That was good,” Russell says, after the movie. "Jeremy Piven, I take my hat off to you. I laughed non-stop throughout.” 

Later that night Lydia tells Russell that Kevin is not using the Veto to take her off of the block. Russell reminds her that no one is your friend in the BIG BROTHER House, which is a revelation to Lydia when it comes to Kevin. This causes some strife between Lydia and Kevin, and requires the friends to talk about the Veto in the Recycle Room. Kevin doesn’t know why Lydia is talking about his Veto to Russell, while Lydia doesn’t understand why Kevin isn’t going to use the Veto on her. Kevin tells Lydia that this is a difficult decision to make.

The Veto CeremonyKevin admits that he is basically gambling Lydia’s life in the game, but he doesn’t want to jeopardize his relationship with Chima. In the diary room, Chima reveals that she will question Kevin’s loyalty if he uses the Veto. Kevin calls everyone into the living room for the Veto Ceremony and, after brief pleas from Russell and Lydia, announces that he is not using the Veto. Lydia decides that she needs to think of a new nickname for Kevin instead of Sugar Bear. "How about Poopy Bear?” she asks. Russell compares the House to the unpredictable sport of wrestling, while Jeff aptly points out in the diary room that nobody is safe this week because he has the Coup d’etat. "The choice is mine,” he says. Who will be evicted from the House this week? And will Jeff use the Coup d’etat to upset the nominations? 


Sunday, May 19, 2013

Big Brother 11 (Episode 14)

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A Surprise Guest Charms the House Guests as Jeff Keeps His Special Power a Secret: Ronnie’s dramatic eviction certainly makes waves in the house, especially with Michele. 

She describes him as "bitter” and relishes the fact that Ronnie, the "BIG BROTHER Encyclopedia,” didn’t even make the Jury House. Lydia is sad because, after counting out the very close vote, she realizes that her supposed buddy Jessie voted for her to leave over Ronnie. Jeff is delighted that Ronnie the rat has finally gone. "Things are rolling my way,” he says. Jessie mourns the loss of Ronnie, who Jessie describes as "a wing man, and a very good wing man he was.” Outgoing Head of Household Russell learned something from the way the votes were cast—his supposed allies Jessie, Natalie and Chima were not on his side, since they voted to keep Ronnie. Some House Guests are surprised that the Mystery Power was not used, but the secret Coup d’Etat power-holder, Jeff, is biding his time. He wanted Ronnie to go anyhow, and he has another week to use the power to shake up the nominations. Chima says her Head of Household victory means that Natalie and Jessie are definitely safe along with her for the week. Russell hates this turn of events, but says he is ready to kiss some ass to save himself. "My new favorite ass is Chima’s,” Russell grouses. Lydia is expecting to go up on the block a third time because Chima’s closest friend in the House is Natalie, Lydia’s arch nemesis. 

Chima may be excited, but Jeff notes in the Diary Room that she shouldn’t get that worked up since he is really in control for the week when it comes to nominations. While Natalie and Chima loudly talk about how it would be stupid for the power holder to change up the nominations, Jeff notes that they are stupid because he is sure that he will use it wisely. 

Reveal That HoH Suite! Everyone comes upstairs to see Chima’s HoH Suite, complete with baby pictures and shots of her family. Chima reads a letter from her mom, who has been sick, but the letter reveals that her prognosis has been improving. Chima takes strength from this news, which she calls "very encouraging.” Soon after, Chima has a conversation with Michele about sending Russell home. Chima notes that Jessie and Natalie are in her ear about keeping Russell, but she needs to do what’s right for her. Chima reiterates her belief that a woman should win the game in the end, and that she doesn’t want to nominate two women and see one of them go home. Russell then gets his chance to supplicate himself in front of the HoH. 

Russell apologizes and notes that he has to mend their relationship, stressing that their problems have been more personal rather than game-related. "I lost my cool,” he says. "What more can I say?” Chima admits that she has trouble with trusting Russell. The conversation ends with an awkward hug between the two. "I don’t trust him on a personal level,” Chima says later, "I have to decide if that’s enough to put him up.” A Major Revelation In a conversation in the Recycle Room, Chima reveals that she was the victim of a violent crime, having been raped by a serial killer about ten years ago. 

Everyone is stunned as Chima describes how she was able to fight her way through the ordeal, despite the fact that her attacker had a gun. "I didn’t escape unharmed,” she explains, noting that she had to have two surgeries on her face. "Some women don’t talk about it,” she says, "I had my moments, but it didn’t destroy me.” Kevin notes that this is one of the things that make Chima so strong, while Jeff realizes that they sometimes get too caught up in the game, and he thinks that they need to spend time to truly look at their fellow House Guests as people. In the Red Room, Jordan tells Jeff that she is worried that they are going to go up on the block. Jeff tells her that she is paranoid, and that Russell is the target. Jordan thinks that Russell and Chima are now buddies, which Jeff does not believe. 

Jordan then reveals that she thinks Michele has the Mystery Power. Jeff tells her that they will be fine. Later Jeff reveals that it’s tough keeping his Coup d’Etat power a secret, especially from his closest ally, Jordan. An Unexpected Guest The House Guests are hanging out when they hear a strange noise. Could that be a doorbell? It is! Natalie and Kevin run to the front door to see who could be visiting them, and in through the door walks TV and movie star, Jeremy Piven! Fellow Chicago-native Jeff is excited to see him, while Chima notes that it is energizing to meet someone new. Jeremy gathers everyone in the living room and banters with them before explaining that they will be competing in a luxury competition where the winners will get a special screening of his new feature film, The Goods. But wait, there’s more! One of the members of the winning team will also win a cash prize! After Jeremy leaves, the House Guests go outside to find the backyard transformed into a huge junkyard/used car lot, which Chima says looks like something out of the old sitcom "Sanford and Son.” 

Chima explains that as HoH she will not be playing, so the House can split into two four-member teams. Jeff, Kevin, Lydia and Michele are the "Ties”, while Jordan, Russell, Natalie and Jessie are the "Shirts”. Chima explains that the object of the competition is for each team to fill their vintage station wagon with as many items from the junkyard as possible. Each of the items are assigned a number of points, or "cars,” with the larger, bulkier items bringing in more cars. They have five minutes to pack their station wagons, and in the end the entire team has to fit in the car as well. To raise the stakes, one member of the winning team will walk away with big payday, while the losers will be the Have Nots for the week. 

Chima isn’t playing, but if she picks the winning team she will have a chance to receive the payday prize, and will get to enjoy the screening of the Paramount Pictures’ movie The Goods. Chima picks the Shirts as the winners. Start Stuffing! The teams run like crazy people into the junkyard and start grabbing the odd collection of stuff, which includes everything from a plastic showman to a giant red high heel. Jessie notes that he had "no problem bargain shopping” when he grabbed items the other team had collected, but had not yet put in their car. Lydia finds this very frustrating. The Shirts wonder why Jordan is spending so much time stuffing a teddy bear into the car at the last minute because it is only 17 points, but Jordan thinks it is more than worth it. 

Meanwhile, Kevin struggles to fit himself in the station wagon, but realizes the only way in is to put his face right by Lydia’s butt. Once the five minutes are up, the teams begin counting their "cars.” The Ties rack up 399 cars, a number that worries Jessie and the Shirts. Jordan begins unloading items from her team’s van, and everyone realizes it is going to be a close call. With one item left, the Shirts need seven points to win. The last item out of the van is the 17-point teddy bear, and Jordan’s persistence puts them over the top making the Shirts the winners! Now it’s time for the payday. Each of the Shirts, plus Chima, grabs a commission envelope, and whoever picks the check with the highest amount wins the cash prize. Chima’s check comes out to $8,500, while Natalie’s cashes out at $9,999. Jessie’s check comes to $7,500, while Jordan’s check is $5,000. 

The last to pick is Russell, who opens his envelope to reveal a $10,000 check, making him the winner. Although he is excited, Russell admits that he had to keep his emotions in check because he didn’t want to make himself any more of a target than he already is. One Ugly Love Triangle The Lydia-Jessie-Natalie triad of jealousy is continuing unabated. Lydia tries to spend time in the bathroom with Jessie to discuss game play, but Natalie comes in and breaks them up. Jessie then goes upstairs to say goodnight to Natalie and Chima in the HoH Suite, but all Natalie wants to hear is what Lydia said to him. Natalie warns Jessie that if Lydia puts her up on the block, Natalie is blaming him. "Let her know the second she screws you or I it will be World War Five in this place,” she announces. "Let me do what I need to do this week,” Jessie says, "and then I’ll never talk to her again.” 

Jessie mopes downstairs for a while before going back up to the HoH Suite, where he tells Natalie and Chima that he has no one else in the game except the two of them. "I’m not going to piss you off,” Jessie says. Natalie notes that if Lydia is Jessie’s friend, she should also have Natalie and Chima’s backs as well. Chima does not like this fighting between Natalie and Jessie over Lydia because if Natalie and Jessie stop talking, their alliance would be over. Because of this, Lydia going home this week would only help their game. Nomination Time Russell is worried about the nominations, along with Michele, Jordan and Lydia. 

Chima calls them into the dining room for the Nomination Ceremony, and wastes no time in revealing that Natalie and Jessie are safe. Kevin and Michele’s keys are pulled next, followed by Jordan and Jeff’s. Lydia and Russell are the nominees. Lydia sees her nomination as "Momma Bear Chima protecting Baby Bear Natalie.” Russell has a lot of built up anger about the nominations, but he intends to win the House Guests over with kindness. Jessie is worried about who has the Mystery Power, while Jeff notes that he is the one who will ultimately decide who is leaving this week. Who will win the Power of Veto? And will they us it to save Russell or Lydia?


Saturday, May 18, 2013

Big Brother 11 (Episode 13)

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Ronnie Makes a Dramatic Departure and One Lucky House Guest Gets the Power of Coup D’etat: Veto holder Michele is happy to leave nominations "as is,” because her goal for the week is to make sure nominee Ronnie goes home.

Jordan notes that it will only take four votes to boot Ronnie. With Jordan, Jeff, Michele and Kevin all gunning to get Ronnie out, it seems certain that he’s going home over the other nominee, Lydia. Ronnie directs his ire at Michele, whom he feels has "no loyalty to anyone but herself.” Outside, after the Veto Ceremony, Kevin tells Lydia that she is definitely safe for the week, but Lydia knows that she could very easily go home instead. Paranoia, Table for One As Michele and Jordan engage in an innocent conversation about reading while lounging in the backyard, Russell works out nearby. He asks them if he is interrupting a sensitive conversation, but both of the women tell him that they weren’t discussing the game or him in particular. Russell doesn’t buy this and, a few minutes later, he confronts Jordan about what the conversation was actually about. Jordan calls out Russell for his paranoia, and lets him know that she was definitely not scheming. Upstairs in the HoH Suite, Russell tells Michele that Jessie, Chima and Natalie are definitely pissed at him for putting their ally, Ronnie, on the block.

Michele then reveals to Russell that those three have all talked about back dooring Russell, particularly Chima. Russell is stunned, but chalks it all up to Chima’s jealousy of his budding alliance with Michele. A little later, Jessie comes upstairs and assures Russell that Chima is not out to back door him. He goes on to say that he has never heard Chima mention Russell’s name as a potential nominee (a flashback reveals this to be a lie). Downstairs, Russell tells Natalie that he is trying to figure out exactly who is lying to him. Ever the lap dog, Natalie runs to get Chima so that she can talk to Russell directly. Chima is not happy to have this conversation, but Natalie reminds her that they need to make nice with Russell so that he remains oblivious to their secret scheme to back door him out of the house when the time comes.

Chima goes up to the HoH Suite and, when Russell interrogates her on what she said, Chima suggests that they call up Michele and get everything sorted out together. When Michele gets the command to come up to the HoH Suite, she knows that this probably is not going to be good for her. Chima confronts Michele on what she said about her, and Michele denies ever saying anything about Chima, which shocks Russell. Later, in the diary room, Michele is irritated at Russell for spilling the beans—she told him that in confidence to help both of their games, and he wastes the information. "Thanks a lot, you jerk,” Michele fumes. Quick to cover her tracks, Michele spins a story about how Russell is just being neurotic and misconstrued what she initially said. This works, as Chima starts to question Russell’s motives and then accuses Russell of fabricating all of this as part of his own lying scheme. This gets Russell mad at Chima, and the pair begins bickering amongst themselves.

Russell gets so mad that he throws Michele and Chima out of the HoH Suite. Chima is pissed! As she goes downstairs, she and Russell get into a heated shouting match. The bickering continues downstairs as they throw insults and accusations at each other. Things get so heated that Natalie pulls Chima into the kitchen while Kevin holds the sliding glass door closed, confining Russell to the backyard and Chima to the house. As she cools down in the red room, Chima announces that Russell is going home, while Michele notes that Russell has made this "the season of the rat, part two.” Ronnie Makes a Stand Ronnie knows that he has three votes (courtesy of allies Jessie, Chima and Natalie), but thinks he might be able to squeeze out one last vote and keep himself in the game.

In the bathroom, he tells Jessie that he thinks he can convince Jordan to give him a sympathy vote. Jessie isn’t so sure, but tells Ronnie to take his best shot. Ronnie goes into the pool bedroom, where Jeff has other plans for the evening that have nothing to do with the game. Jeff is hoping for some intimate romance time with Jordan, now that the budding couple has started getting more affectionate. Jordan is enjoying Jeff’s kisses when Ronnie enters and spoils the mood. Besides talking about the game, Ronnie passes gas, which kills what little is left of Jeff’s hope for a romantic encounter with Jordan. Jeff hopes Ronnie goes out of the House this week, so that next week he can make his moves on Jordan without Ronnie getting in the way! Tension as Usual Host Julie Chen checks in with the House Guests, and asks Jordan what she thought of the spat between Chima and Russell. Jordan replies that she just wanted to stay out of the way, but admits that it was very entertaining. Julie also has a conversation with Russell from the HoH Suite.

Russell admits that he did let his emotions get to him this week, and that he did apologize to Chima for the very personal things he said. He also admits that next week will be a challenge once he is no longer HoH. Ever the charmer, Russell thanks Julie for being such a good host and compliments her on being so beautiful. Julie appreciates the praise but is quick to inform Russell that buttering up the host gets him nothing in the game! Who Holds the Coup d’etat? After 12 million votes, America has finally chosen the House Guest to get the special power that can overturn the HoH! And the lucky House Guest is—Jeff! In the diary room, Jeff reads the Coup d’etat announcement, which informs him that he has the option of using his power this week or next week to change the nominations for eviction. Jeff promises America that he will use the power to turn the house upside down. Julie then tells the House Guests that the winner of the "mystery power” has been secretly named and, at this point, he or she can use the power to take Ronnie and/or Lydia off the chopping block.

Jeff keeps quiet, and Julie notes that the power could still be used next week. With that done, Julie instructs Lydia to make her final pitch to stay. Lydia makes a standard speech before Ronnie gets his shot. The tears start flowing as Ronnie thanks BIG BROTHER for this opportunity to be a House Guest, which has been his dream. It seems like he’s going out on a high note when he states that his wife always tells him to try and see the good in people but, when it comes to Michele, that seems to be tough. After telling her that he is trying to be nice, Ronnie calls Michele "the worst human being I’ve ever had the misfortune of meeting.”

Wow! The Fourth Evicted House Guest is… From the secrecy of the diary room, each of the House Guests casts their vote to evict. Kevin votes to evict Ronnie while Natalie, Chima and Jessie all vote to evict Lydia. Ronnie’s goose is finally cooked when Michele, Jeff and Jordan vote him out of the house. On the way out the door, Michele tells Ronnie that she never had ill will for him. "Be quiet,” Ronnie intones before giving Michele his best community theatre, back-to-the-cheap-seats finger point. "And scene!” Outside, Julie calls Ronnie out for making some huge miscalculations in the game. Ronnie cops to some, but notes that he was loyal to his House allies while Michele was loyal to no one but himself. In his goodbye package, Kevin gloats that Ronnie left the house before him, while Chima vows to get revenge by targeting Russell. Michele gives it back to Ronnie when she tells him that she hates him and all of his manipulation.

Some Friendly Advice After Ronnie has gone, Julie explains that the House Guests have been receiving unsolicited advice from fans. Last night, Kevin was in the backyard when he noticed a pedestal with a huge button. Kevin proudly proclaims that he skipped reading any instructions and decided to just "hit the bitch.” Suddenly, the House hears messages, songs, and raps from fans about what they should and shouldn’t do in the house. Some messages are informative, some are annoying and some are funny. Once the House Guests are outside for the HoH Competition, Julie explains that they are being asked true/false questions about all the advice they received.

The rules are simple; you answer incorrectly, and you’re eliminated. Keep answering correctly and you’re the new HoH. Everyone correctly answers true to the first question and stays in the game. Michele and Lydia are eliminated with the second question, while Jessie is eliminated next. Jeff and Jordan answer incorrectly, leaving Kevin, Chima and Natalie in the game. Kevin and Natalie choke on the last question, making Chima the new HoH! Julie calls everyone back into the House, where Chima announces that she wants to thank Ronnie for helping her with a tutorial last night so that she was prepared for today’s game. "I couldn’t have done it without him,” she says. So whom will Chima nominate for eviction? And is Jeff likely to use the Coup d’etat to shake up the House?


Friday, May 17, 2013

Big Brother 11 (Episode 12)

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Michele is the New Power Player in a Divided House: Russell explains that he decided to put Ronnie on the block in order to "see where everyone’s loyalties lie.” Despite his eviction nomination, Ronnie notes that he’s suffered through worse scenarios than this. Jeff is relieved that Russell kept his word, and plans on lying low this week along with Jordan. Fellow eviction nominee, Lydia, is confused; she and Russell used to be in an alliance, so she has no idea where she stands with the HoH. 

After nominations, Kevin and Lydia mope in the red room. Kevin feels that Lydia is fine up against the ousted rat, Ronnie, but Lydia notes that it never feels good to be on the block. Meanwhile, Ronnie decides to turn on the waterworks in an HoH Suite conversation with Russell. Ronnie lays it on thick as he compliments Russell and throws Lydia under the bus, but Russell isn’t buying what Ronnie is selling. "He can’t even fake cry,” Russell says later. "I’m more than happy to put the tombstone on his grave.” 

Chima comes to visit the HoH and it’s clear that she has a much warmer relationship with Russell than Ronnie does. Things get downright cuddly as Chima pitches Lydia for eviction. Russell shoots this down, even as Jessie and Natalie join the conversation and both push to keep Ronnie, whom Russell still considers to be "the Rat.” Russell observes that Jessie and Natalie are feeling the pressure as they become more isolated, but Russell thinks that’s their problem, not his. 

Natalie Hustles Votes for The Rat Natalie realizes that Ronnie’s fate is up to Michele, who appears to be the swing vote this week. Natalie lobbies Michele over a game a pool, but Michele commits to nothing as she relishes her position of power. Jessie joins them and tries his best to sway Michele, but he gets nowhere. Later, Jessie explains that Michele is an unpredictable floater, the kind of player he doesn’t like. 

Russell calls everyone inside for the Veto Competition player selection. Russell pulls Michele’s chip, which annoys Natalie. Ronnie picks Jessie’s chip, which plays into Ronnie’s best-case scenario for the Veto. Lydia picks her buddy Kevin, so she gets an ally in the competition as well. 

Vini Vidi VetoAfter putting on Roman togas, the House Guests go outside to find the backyard transformed into a Roman Forum, complete with a chariot, shields, helmets and even a real-life hunky Centurion! Ronnie sticks his head into a big box marked "Roman Underground” where he finds a cage full of rats! The players are given five minutes to look at all the items as Chima informs them that the object of the Veto Competition is to acquire three points by correctly guessing numerical answers in each round. Chima explains that, after seeing what everyone has guessed, each player will then decide to either stay in the game or fold. Players who choose to fold don’t get a point, but can play in the next round. Players who stay in the game and get the number furthest from the actual total will be eliminated. The person who guesses the number closest to the correct answer will win one point.  The first player to score three points will win the game and the Power of Veto.  

Chima announces that it’s time for the first round. How many jewels are on the emperor’s chariot? After guessing their numbers, it turns out that everyone folds except for Jessie! He automatically wins the point, but Kevin steams when he finds out that his guess of 515 was only one jewel away from the correct answer of 514.

Chima then asks them how many arrows are in the Centurion’s shield. After everyone guesses, Russell, Kevin and Jessie are the only players to stay. Russell wins a point, while Kevin is eliminated. Russell wins a second point the next round. Chima then asks how many marks are in the hunky Centurion’s belt. Once again, everyone folds, except for one player—Michele! Jessie is peeved to find out that he would have won if he had stayed in the game. 

The next round has the players guessing how many rats are in the underworld. When Ronnie reveals his number, Russell asks if he’s including himself in the count! Again, Michele wins when everyone folds. With Russell and Michele tied with two points each, Chima asks how many feathers are in the Centurion’s helmet. Michelle and Jessie are the only players to stay. Michele guesses 68 while Jessie guesses 130. When the correct answer of 92 feathers is revealed, Michele gets her third point and the Power of Veto! Not only is she the swing vote, Michele can control the nominations. Not a bad turn of events for the quiet Michele.

Ronnie Takes a StandRonnie wastes no time in chatting up Michele. He takes the soft approach with compliments and gentle guidance, but Michele doesn’t really commit either way. Later, when she is outside, Michele is approached by Russell, who calls her upstairs to the HoH Suite. Chima, Natalie and Jessie notice this and are not pleased. Upstairs, Russell and Michele talk about all the couples in the house—Jeff and Jordan, Kevin and Lydia, Natalie and Jessie—and wonder if they should work together. As the pair bond over a potential alliance, Jessie and Natalie come upstairs, which irritates Russell. Michele admits that they irritate her as well before ragging on Natalie’s game. Later, Russell says that he is starting to notice that Michele is an intelligent player and he has to convince her not to use the Veto.

Ronnie is not happy with the current state of things. He decides to try a new tactic with Michele.  The two sit down together in the backyard and Ronnie proceeds to warn Michele that, if he goes out this week, Jessie, Natalie and Chima will come after her. All pretense of gentility falls away as Ronnie tells her that not saving him would be a very bad move for her. "Thinking logically, you will be evicted and will not make it to the final two,” he intones. But is Michele scared of Ronnie’s threats?

Chima and Russell’s Newfound TensionRussell comes into the kitchen to find Natalie, Kevin and Chima laughing. Russell throws out his signature word, "Schemers!” Chima notes that he loves this word, and Russell adds his other favorite word, the Jeff-inspired "technotronics.” Chima teases that now Russell and Jeff are boyfriends, while Russell retorts that Lydia and Chima are now girlfriends. Not to be outdone, Chima accuses Russell of having a "new girlfriend” in Michele. The tension between Russell and Chima is palpable. Russell thinks that Chima is a very jealous person and has mutated into "the possessive girlfriends I’ve always dreaded.” Outside, he tells Jessie that Chima is wearing on his last nerve and that he could very easily put her up if Michele uses the Veto. Jessie is not happy to hear that his solid House ally, Chima, is no longer in Russell’s favor. 

In the HoH Suite, Jessie tells Natalie what Russell said about Chima and, like Jessie, Natalie is concerned. Chima comes upstairs and asks if there is a problem and Jessie tells her about Russell’s concerns. She says that the whole conversation in the kitchen was just a joke and she insists that, if he has a problem with her, Russell should tell her personally.

Later, in the pool bedroom, Ronnie and Chima commiserate. Ronnie warns that Michele and Russell together are the "one-two T.K.O.” They both grouse about how smart Russell thinks he is, while Chima adds that he’s also paranoid. As if on cue, Russell lurks outside the door, attempting to eavesdrop. Natalie comes in and tells them that Russell overheard their conversation. Ronnie says that he doesn’t care. Natalie shoots back, "no, you don’t, because you know you’re going home,” and warns Chima that she is only pulling herself down along with Ronnie. Jessie comes in and apologizes to Ronnie that they have not been able to save him, but warns Chima to keep her distance from Ronnie since she is only tainting herself. Chima says that she really wants to confront Russell about his recent behavior. In the diary room, Russell confirms what Jessie and Natalie have been warning.  "If Chima has a close relationship with Ronnie, that means she is on his side,” Russell says. "There is no point in keeping her here.”

Veto CeremonyRonnie has no idea if Michele has a deal with Russell, which worries him. Meanwhile, Jessie says that he is 100 percent worried about Michele. Chima is concerned that she might find herself on the block after her spat with Russell. Michele calls them inside and starts with Ronnie. "I’ll give you a chance to lie first, I mean, speak,” Michele smirks.  Ronnie makes it short and sweet and says he’ll respect Michele’s decision either way. Lydia says that she’s got no problem with Michele and tells her to do whatever she wants. Michele announces that she is using the Power of Veto on…no one.

Michele knows that she is now drawing a line in the sand. Russell wonders if he can consider Michele a new ally. Lydia hopes that Ronnie doesn’t get the Mystery Power that Julie talked about in last week’s live show. Ronnie vows that he still has a few moves left in him. So, who will be evicted? Who will be the new HoH? And whom has America chosen to receive the power of "Coup d’etat?”


Friends S05E24: The One In Vegas (Part 2)

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The One In Vegas (Part 2)
Part I Written by: Andrew Reich & Ted Cohen
Part II Written by: Greg Malins & Scott Silveri
Transcribed by: Eric Aasen

[Scene: That same plane cabin, Ross is working on a crossword puzzle and Rachel is asleep against his shoulder. She shifts a little bit and Ross suddenly gets an idea. An evil idea when he looks at his pen. Then we have a little time lapse, the plane has landed and everyone is disembarking. The flight attendant is saying bye-bye to everyone.]
The Flight Attendant: (to another passenger) Welcome to Las Vegas.
(Rachel approaches and we see the fruits of Ross's evil plan. He has drawn a moustache and beard on Rachel. The flight attendant just ignores it.)
The Flight Attendant: (To Rachel) Thank you! (Not sure of herself) Enjoy your flight?
Rachel: Yes, I did. Thank you very much, it was excellent. (Disembarks)
The Flight Attendant: (To Ross) Hope you had a nice flight.
Ross: Ohh, it was the best!
Commercial Break
[Scene: The casino, Ross and Rachel are entering.]
Ross: I think the check in is that way. (Points)
Rachel: Ahh.
(A young boy sees Rachel, points, and starts laughing.)
Rachel: Hello! (She makes a face and the kid laughs harder. Finally, his parents drag him off.) Ohh, kids love me.
Phoebe: (sees Ross and Rachel) Hey!
Ross: Phoebe! (They hug.)
Phoebe: You guys are here! Yay!
Rachel: Hi! (Hugs Phoebe)
Phoebe: (sees Rachel's face) What? Did you go to a costume party? Let me guess umm Pancho Vila? (Points at Rachel) and you're Bob Saget. (An old lady has sat down at the slot machine Phoebe was just at.)
Rachel: Pancho Vila?
Phoebe: Yeah! (Motions to her face, indicating all of Rachel's "make-up.")
Rachel: What are you talking about Pheebs? (Takes out her compact) I don't… (She gasps when she looks in the mirror and sees her face.) (To Ross) Oh my God, you drew on me?!
Ross: Hey, you wet my pants!
Phoebe: Whoa, what kind of party was this?
Rachel: Ross, I have been walking around like this since the plane! I can—you have so crossed a line. (Heads for the bathroom)
Ross: Rach! Wait! The men's room is that way. (Points in the other direction. Rachel hits him with her purse and heads for the ladies room.)
(The old lady at Phoebe's machine wins. Phoebe turns around in shock.)
Phoebe: Ugh!
Ross: What?
Phoebe: That's like the third time that lady's won on a machine I was playing.
Ross: Oooohhh, I'll bet she's one of those people.
Phoebe: M-M-Mole people?
Ross: What? No-no, a lurker.
Phoebe: Oh. What's a lurker?
Ross: Okay when you're playing a machine and it hasn't paid out, a lurker waits for you to give up and then…
Phoebe: Kills you?
Ross: No. They swoop in and steal your jackpot.
Phoebe: Ohhh!
Ross: Uh-hmm.
Phoebe: How do you know about this?
Ross: My nana used to do it. That's how she paid for all my dance—karate lessons.
Phoebe: Dance karate?
Ross: Yes, it's a deadly but beautiful sport. (Does a karate chop, then does a little dance-type sway.)
Rachel: (returning with her purse covering her face) All right, it won't come off!
Ross: What?!
Rachel: It won't come off!
Ross: Oh my God! Rach-Rach, are-are-are you sure?
Rachel: No, actually I took it off then I drew it back on.
Joey: (entering) Hey-hey-hey you made it!
Ross: Joey!!
Joey: All right! Hey-hey!
Rachel: Hi!!
Joey: Who's your friend? He's hot! (Ross laughs and Rachel smacks him with her purse.)
Ross: (To Joey) Thanks man.
Rachel: Hi. (She hugs Joey.)
Ross: Hey listen I uh, talked to Chandler, sorry about the movie.
Joey: No, don't be sorry. I don't need it anymore. I found my identical hand twin!
Ross: Your what?
Joey: My identical hand twin! The person whose hands are exactly like mine! This thing is a gold mine!
Ross: What?! That's not gonna make you any money!
Joey: Okay. Well, if that's how you feel about it, fine! None of you get to live with me in my great big hand-shaped mansion! Except uh, you Pheebs. You can live in the thumb.
[Scene: The craps table, Monica is on a big roll.]
Monica: All right baby, come on! (Rolls the dice) Yes! Yes! I am on fire!
Chandler: (walking by with his luggage) See you later Mon.
Monica: Wait Chandler, what are you doing?!
Chandler: What does it look like? I'm going home.
Monica: What? Wait! Why? (He turns and heads for the door and she chases after him.) Chandler! Chandler! Wait! I’m sorry, I was just playing for one second! I was trying to find you to tell you that, look if you don't want me to see Richard again, I won't! He means nothing to me!
Chandler: Come on! I was there! (He's propped up with his hand on a statute of a naked guy. He winces and pulls his hand away.) I know he's the love of your life.
Monica: Not any more.
Chandler: Really?!
Monica: Really! (They hug and kiss) All right? Let's forget about this going home stuff and celebrate our anniversary. (She picks up his suitcase.) Okay, this is empty.
Chandler: Yeah, I wanted to make a dramatic scene, but I hate packing.
[Scene: A blackjack table, it's the same one Joey's hand twin was working at, only he's not there anymore and has been replaced by a beautiful woman.]
Joey: (entering) Uhh, hey. Where's the other guy?
The Woman Dealer: Which guy?
Joey: He's kinda tall, dark hair, hand looks exactly like this. (Holds up his hand.) See?
The Woman Dealer: I don't know about the hands, but the guy that was here before me just went to the bathroom.
Joey: Okay! (Walks away, then turns back.) How you doin'?
The Woman Dealer: Very busy.
Joey: Right! Okay. (Heads for the bathroom.)
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's hotel room, Rachel is still trying to get the ink off and Ross is on the phone to the company. Wait a minute, why exactly are they sharing a hotel room? Didn't they like break-up or something? Did I miss a memo? Or maybe, it's just foreshadowing things to come. Who knows? Maybe the answer's at the bottom of the page. Then again, maybe it isn't and it's just one of those things TV writers just don't explain. Anyhoo…]
Ross: (on the phone) Yes, hello. I have a question. Umm, I used your pen to draw on my friend's face. (Listens) A beard and a moustache. (Listens and laughs) Thank you. (Rachel turns around and glares at him.) No, she didn't think so. (Listens) I know it's like (turns and sees Rachel staring at him and quickly changes the subject) anyway, umm well make-up didn't cover it and we've tried everything to get it off and nothing's worked. What-what do we do? (Listens) Yeah. (Listens) Uh-huh. (Listens) Yeah. (Listens) Oh! Okay. (Listens) Okay, thank you! (Rachel gets excited at his tone.) (Hangs up the phone) Yeah, it's not coming off.
Rachel: What?! What else did he say?
Ross: Umm, he said he thought I was funny. So…(Rachel stares at him.) Okay, look-look umm, let's just go downstairs, we'll have some fun, and you will forget all about it.
Rachel: Ross, no! There is no way I am leaving this room looking like this!
Ross: Oh, come on! Rach, it's-it's not that bad.
Rachel: Ross, I am a human doodle!!
Ross: Look, just because some idiot drew on your face doesn't mean you shouldn't have any fun! Okay? And besides, hey-hey-hey no one is even gonna look at you. Okay? This is Vegas! Hello! There are tons of other freaks here! (Rachel turns around and glares at him.) There are tons…of…freaks here. No other. No. Come on! No one will notice, I swear!
(They both exit.)
[Time lapse, they're both entering.]
Ross: Okay, there was some staring and pointing.
Rachel: Okay, I need a, I need a drink! (Makes a beeline for the mini-bar.)
Ross: Oh, hey y'know, they-they really overcharge you for that stuff. (Rachel glares at him.) But who cares?! Because it's all on me! (Rachel reaches into the fridge and pulls out two handfuls of those mini booze bottles.) (Watching her.) That is, one big drink!
Rachel: (she's finished reliving the fridge of its entire alcohol content.) Macadamia nut?
Ross: (looking at the price list) Umm… Wow! That's-that's some pricey nut!
Rachel: Hm-mmm! (Opens the container)
Ross: Really like those Macadamia nuts, huh?
Rachel: Nope! (She puts one in her mouth and spits it out, then does it again in another direction.)
[Scene: The casino, Phoebe is playing on a slot machine. Suddenly the lurker sticks her head around the aisle of slot machines.]
Phoebe: (seeing her) Get out of here you lurker! (She doesn't move) Go on! Get! (She throws a quarter at her.)
Chandler: (arm-in-arm with Monica) Hey Pheebs!
Phoebe: Ohh! You made up!
Monica: Yeah, I couldn't be mad at him for too long.
Chandler: Yeah, she couldn't live without the Chan Love. (They start kissing.)
Phoebe: Ohh, get a room.
Monica: We have one.
Phoebe: I know. Use it.
[Scene: The Men's room, Joey is entering and sees his hand twin washing his hands.]
Joey: Oh-oh-oh, yeah! (He grabs some towels and takes them to him.) That's right, you take good care of those babies!
Joey's Hand Twin: Excuse me?
Joey: It's me, Joey!
Joey's Hand Twin: Do I know you?
Joey: (holds up his hand) Joey!
Joey's Hand Twin: Oh-ho, yeah. Yeah, the hand guy.
Joey: Okay, so what are we going to do about this hand twin thing?!
Joey's Hand Twin: Nothing?
Joey: Look, you and I have been given a gift. Okay? We have to do something with it. Like-like, hand modeling! Huh? Or-or magic! And you know NASA's gonna wanna talk to us!
Joey's Hand Twin: (tries to leave) I have to get back to…
Joey: (stopping him) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa-whoa! We could have our own show! Y'know we could clap our hands together people will love it! Huh? And-and-and I wrote a song for us! (Singing, to the tune of This Land is Your Land) This hand is your hand! This hand is my hand! Oh wait, that's your hand! No wait, it's my hand!
Joey's Hand Twin: That's okay. (Walks out.)
Joey: (following him) But you haven't even heard the chorus!
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's room, Ross is drinking a beer while Rachel is examining herself in the mirror.]
Rachel: Oh my God, I'm starting to look like my great aunt, Muriel.
Ross: (gets up) All right. Y'know what? We don’t have to go downstairs! We can bring Vegas up to us! (He grabs a deck of cards and pulls up a chair.) All right, come on, come on, we'll play some blackjack. Here we go. (Deals the cards.) 13.
Rachel: Hit me!
Ross: (does so) Oohh, 23. (Rachel looks at him.) Which is what we play to at this casino! You win 10 dollars! (Holds out a ten.)
Rachel: I bet 20.
Ross: You're right! (Gives her the twenty she won.)
[Scene: The Craps Table, Monica is still on her roll, only this time Chandler's with her and she has a huge crowd of people around.]
Monica: (shaking the dice) A new pair of shoes for the Chan-Chan man! (Rolls the dice.) Yes!
Chandler: Yes! I've-I've never seen a roll like this in my life!
Monica: That's right baby! Okay, what do I want now?
Chandler: Okay, ah umm, ah, a 8. Ah, a 6?
Monica: Pick a number! That is your only job!
Chandler: 8. 8!
Monica: Thank you!
Chandler: If you get this one, we buy everybody here a steak dinner!
All: Yay!!
The Croupier: 8!
Monica: Yes!
All: Yay!!
Monica: (To Chandler) We're not really gonna buy these people steak dinners are we?
Chandler: Noo!
Monica: Okay, good! Okay, what do I want now?
Chandler: Ahh, ooh, try a hard 8.
Monica: What?
Chandler: Two fours.
Monica: Okay. (Rolls the dice)
The Croupier: 8!:
A Drunken Gambler: (To Chandler) Don't you let her go! You're a lucky guy!
Chandler: Thank you, Mister Drunken Gambler! Okay, you get this and uh, we get the biggest suite in the place! (Everyone cheers) Wait-wait-wait-wait! We (motions to Monica and him.) get the biggest suite in the place.
Monica: All right, biggest suite in the place. Come on! (Rolls the dice.)
Chandler: (sees the roll) Yes!! I love you! I can't even remember what we were fighting about!
Monica: Oh, that's because I had lunch with Rich—Me neither! Okay, what do I want now?
Chandler: Another hard 8.
Monica: Hard 8?! We should call it easy 8!
Chandler: Okay, okay, I tell you what. You roll another hard eight; (pause) and we get married here tonight.
Drunken Gambler: Go! Come on! Roll!
All: Roll-roll!!
Monica: Shut up!! It just got interesting!
Commercial Break
[Scene: The Craps table, continued from earlier.]
Monica: What did you just say?
Chandler: You roll another hard eight and we get married here tonight.
Monica: Are you serious?!
Chandler: Yes! I love you! I've never loved anybody as much as I love you.
Monica: I've never loved anybody as much as I love you.
Chandler: Okay, so if an eight comes up, we take it as a sign and we do it! {Whoa! Where have I heard that before? Matthew Perry talking about signs in Las Vegas. I guess it must've been some movie I saw.} What do you say?
Monica: Okay!
Chandler: Okay! Come on! Let's go! All right!
(She rolls the dice, but one bounces out of the table.)
Chandler: (spots one) Okay! That's a four! And where-where's the other one?
Drunken Gambler: It went under the table.
Monica: Nobody move! (To Chandler) Okay, you look that way; I'll look this way!
Chandler: All right!
(He searches to his right; she searches to her left. They're both on their hands and knees when they spot the die. It's propped up against the table leg, and it's not lying flat. Both the four and the five are showing.)
Chandler: Here it is! Here it is!
Monica: That could be a four or a five. It's your call.
Chandler: It's a four.
Monica: I think so too.
(Cue up the music as they move in and kiss. This time I think it's Perry Como, but I'm not sure. It's Everybody loves somebody, sometime! Everybody falls in love somehow! Something in your kiss, just told me, my sometime, is now!)
[Scene: The slot machines, Phoebe is still feeding quarters into the one-armed bandit as the lurker peeks over the top of the machines.]
Phoebe: Oh well, lost again. (She gets up and slowly moves away. The lurker scurries in and takes her spot, only this time Phoebe set a trap for her and catches her in the act.) That's it! You and me, outside!
The Lurker: I don't want to see you lose a chunk of that pretty blond hair!
(They start smacking each other's cups, but Phoebe notices a security guard approaching.)
Phoebe: Be cool! (They both pretend to have a nice conversation as the guard walks by, but after he leaves they both start fighting again.) Okay lady, your lurking days are over!
The Lurker: What?!
Phoebe: Yeah, from now on everyone you lurk, I'm gonna lurk first! You move on to someone else, I'm gonna be one step ahead of you, every single time! And then I'll be on your ass every hour of every day 'til Monday, because that's when I go home. When do you leave?
The Lurker: Also Monday.
Phoebe: What time? Maybe we can share a cab!
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's room, they've pretty much consumed the entire mini-bar. Needless to say, they're feeling no pain and are still playing blackjack.]
Rachel: Hit me. (He does so.) Hit me. (He does so.) Hit me. (He does so.) Hit me. (He does so.) Hit me. (He does so.) Hit me. (He does so.) Hit me. (She slows down with each one.)
Ross: (runs out of cards) We need more cards.
Rachel: Yeah, and also we need more umm, drinks. Hold on a second. (Gets up but stumbles a little bit.) Whup, okay. (She makes it to the phone and picks it up, without dialing.) Hello! Vegas? Yeah, we would like some more alcohol, and y'know what else? We would like some more beers. Hello? Ohh, I forgot to dial!
(They both start laughing. There's a knock on the door.)
Ross: That must be our alcohol and beers! (Gets up to answer it.)
Joey: Hey!
Ross: Ohh, it's Joey! I love Joey! (Hugs him.)
Rachel: Ohh, I love Joey! Joey lives with a duck! (Goes and hugs Joey.)
Joey: Hi!
Rachel: Hey!
Joey: Look-look-look you guys, I need some help! Okay? Someone is going to have to convince my hand twin to cooperate!
Ross: I'll do it. Hey, whatever you need me to do, I'm your man. (He starts to sit down on the bed. There's one problem though, he's about two feet to the left of it. Needless to say, he misses and falls on his butt.) (Looking up at Joey.) Whoa-oh-whoa! Are you, are you okay?
Joey: Yeah! I'm fine! Thanks! (He starts to leave, but gets an idea and stops.) Hey Rach, how you doin'?
Rachel: I'm doin' good, baby. How you doin'?
Joey: Ross, don't let her drink anymore! (Exits)
Ross: Ohh, here's that Macadamia nut!
Rachel: Ohhh!!
Ross: (he puts it in his mouth) Nope! Something else. (Throws it back under the bed.)
Rachel: Oops! All right, so what do you want to do now?
Ross: I wanna get out of the room! Y'know, I…I really miss downstairs.
Rachel: Okay, y'know what? There's only one way I'm leaving this hotel room.
[Cut to the casino, a very drunk and doodled on Rachel is walking arm in arm with an equally drunk and doodled on Ross are walking through the casino and greeting people on their way through. Ross has some whiskers and his nose colored in, along with his name on his forehead.]
Ross: Well hello! I'm Ross!
Rachel: Good luck to ya!
Ross: Excuse me sir, you've got a little something right here. (He points to the corner of his mouth and they both laugh.)
(They've made their way to the statue of the naked man that Chandler was leaning against earlier.)
Rachel: Wow!
Ross: (bowing) Hello!
Rachel: (bowing) Hello!
Ross and Rachel: (bowing) Hello!
(They both continue on and Ross meows like a cat.)
[Scene: The slot machines, we see some guy not having any luck. Both Phoebe and the Lurker are lurking him and each stick their heads around the corner at different times This is all set to that Pink Panther song. Finally the guy gives up and walks past the lurker's position, thus giving her the advantage. She scurries in and quickly drops a coin in the slot before Phoebe gets there. Phoebe arrives slightly later and pulls the arm just after the lurker deposits the coin and wins.]
Phoebe: I won! I won! I finally won!
The Lurker: I won! That was my quarter!
Phoebe: Fine! Here! Take a hike toots! (Gives back her quarter.)
(The security guard approaches.)
The Lurker: (to the guard) Excuse me, sir! This lady played my quarter, this is my money. (Motions to the jackpot.)
The Security Guard: (To Phoebe) Is that true miss?
Phoebe: (quietly) Sells drugs to kids.
The Security Guard: What?!
Phoebe: She sells drugs to kids. (The guard looks at the lurker.)
The Lurker: It was my quarter!
The Security Guard: (To Phoebe) Was it her quarter?
Phoebe: How about we talk about this over dinner?
The Security Guard: Okay lady, you're out of here.
Phoebe: No! No, you can't arrest me! No!! I won't go back! I won't go back to that hell hole!!
The Security Guard: I'm just taking you outside!
Phoebe: Oh, okay. (Walks out.)
[Scene: The Gift Shop, Monica and Chandler are entering.]
Monica: Okay, come on, I can't get married until I get something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue.
Chandler: Okay, all right, all right, all right! Okay! (Picks up a blue sweater.) Okay, here's something, here's something blue and new.
Monica: You're so efficient. I love you!
Chandler: Let's go! (Starts to leave.)
Monica: No-no-no! We need something old!
Chandler: Ohh, great, I have condom in my wallet I've had since I was twelve.
Monica: That'll work!
Chandler: I don't think so.
Monica: Okay, now we just need something borrowed!
Chandler: (looks around) Here just…take this. (Hands her the sweater.)
Monica: That's stealing!
Chandler: No, we'll-we'll bring it back! Just put it under your dress.
(She does so and it makes her look pregnant.)
Monica: Ohh. (Rubs her fake stomach.)
Chandler: Okay, one thing at a time. (They run out to get married.)
[Scene: A blackjack table, Joey is moving in to try and get his hand twin (who's dealing) to join him in his evil plot to rule the world! "Join me, and together we'll rule the universe as father and son!" (Sorry, I had a little Star Wars creep in there—Ooh, I have a big spoiler for The Phantom Menace, Yoda lives at the end! Ha-ha, spoiled it! Now you don't have to see it!)]
Joey: (sitting down) Ahhh! (Slides his hands across the table.)
Joey's Hand Twin: Are you gonna play?
Joey: No-no, I don't really have any money. Not yet, anyway… (Shakes his hands.)
Joey's Hand Twin: You can't sit here if you're not gonna play.
Joey: (throws down a small wad of money, and as his hand twin starts to unfold it, Joey once again brings attention to their special gift to the world. {Y'know, looking at it now, they really don't have that similar of hands. Joey's are bigger.}) Ooh-ho-ho! (The dealer stares at him and he stops.)
Phoebe: (entering and sitting down at the table.) Hello. My name is Regina Phalange. I'm a businesswoman in town on business. Would you like to see my card? (Looks down) Ooh, what did I do with my file-a-facts? I must've left it in conference room B.
Joey's Hand Twin: (To Joey) 14.
Joey: Hit me! (He does so.)
Phoebe: Oh my God! May I just say that you two gentlemen have the exact same hands! They're identical! Now, I've never seen anything like that in the business world.
Joey's Hand Twin: Stop it!
Joey: Uhh, Ms. Phalange, may I ask you a question as an impartial person at-at this table?
Joey's Hand Twin: Please stop it!
Joey: Wouldn't you pay good money to see these identical hands showcased in some type of a uh, entertainment venue?
Joey's Hand Twin: (To Joey) If you leave now, I will chop off my hand and give it too you!
(The security guard from before approaches and Phoebe tries to turn her back on him.)
The Security Guard: (To Phoebe) Didn't I just throw you out of here?
Phoebe: No, you threw out Phoebe. I'm Ms. Regina Phalange. Phalange!
The Security Guard: Come on, lady! (Starts to escort her out.)
Joey's Hand Twin: Please, please take him too. (Motions to Joey.)
Joey: Me?! Oh come on, man! You can't do this! Come on! (Being dragged out by the guard) I'm your hand twin!!
[Scene: A Little White Chapel, Chandler and Monica are entering.]
Chandler: Hello! One marriage please!
Monica: Yep, we wanna get married!
The Attendant: Well, there's a service in progress. Have a seat.
Chandler and Monica: All right.
(They both sit down.)
Chandler: (singing) Dum! Dum-dum-dum! Dum! Dum! Dum! Dum-dum-dum!
Monica: What are you doing?
Chandler: Oh, that's The Wedding March. Does, does that freak you out?
Monica: No, only because that's the graduation song.
(The real Wedding March begins playing from behind the closed doors of the chapel.)
Chandler: Okay! (Stands up) This is it! (Claps his hands) We're gonna get married!
Monica: Are you sure you wanna do this?
(Suddenly the doors burst open, and ROSS AND RACHEL COME OUT ARM-IN-ARM!!!!! And Rachel's carrying a bouquet!!! THEY GOT MARRIED!!!!)
Ross: Well, hello, Mrs. Ross! (Throws some rice.)
Rachel: Well, hello, Mr. Rachel! (Throws some more rice.)
(They storm out into the street.)
Rachel: Wait! (Gets her bearings) Okay!
(She goes one way; he goes the other. The camera pans back to Chandler and Monica, and needless to say, they're standing there dumbstruck as The King's (Elvis Presley to the yougin's) Viva, Las Vegas begins to play. Sing along with me now, "Viva! Las Vegas! Vivaaaaaa! Vivaaaaa! Las Vegassssss!!" Fade to Black.)
Ending Credits